moolah

I’ve spent the last two months telling myself almost every day that all of this will soon be over. I say to myself, “I can do this. Josh will have his new job soon. We’ll be able to afford our bills soon. I won’t have to spend evenings alone anymore”. Whenever I would think of something we’d need from town it would get added to the “When We Have Money” list. When thinking about the sandbox I desperately want to build for Jasper I would think, “We’ll be able to afford it soon”. Even thinking about planting some trees in the fall and I felt like it could happen…once Josh got this new job we were waiting on.

Now all of that is just gone. I don’t know what to say to myself when I’m feeling down. When Josh started his job we told ourselves that it was only temporary. After being told numerous times that he would be hired within a few months at the better place, well…we believed it. So that’s how we got through the day to day drag of terrible pay and terrible hours.

I really try not to dwell on any of this. I think every day, “Just one more day of work…”. Though in the back of my head I’m screaming “You idiot, there are a lot more days of this work”. Josh has sent out countless resumes and so far we’ve heard nothing minus one “We’ll let you know”. Our end of May deadline is fast approaching. What will we do when it gets here and we can’t afford health insurance? Josh is determined that I won’t have to go back to work but I don’t see how we’ll manage. That brings with it a whole cascade of thoughts that make me sick to my stomach. How will I find a job when Josh can’t? What will I do with Jasper? What about the fact that we only have one reliable vehicle? We’ve even talked about the possibility of having to move. There could be a good job opportunity for him up by Chicago. I really cannot imagine moving two hours away from my home for a job. But…if that’s what we have to do to survive… Honestly I would work at BP before I’d consider moving.

I spend my lonely evenings scouring the Classifieds, trying to find a decent job that would pay a decent salary. Every time I feel like there is nothing out there I hear of someone else getting a new job. Where the heck is our job???

So now I have to try and trick my brain into thinking that we’re okay and that a new job will present itself before the end of May. When really the possibility of moving or me getting a job is very real and very upsetting. I’m just going to try and ignore that and say today, “Something has to work out soon. It just has to.” Maybe if I say it enough I’ll actually start believing it.

I’ve started a list of things I’d like (or need) to get when we have money. I just keep telling myself that once Josh gets a new job we’ll be able to afford a few extra things here and there. It’s kind of a funny list that has items I know we need soon and other things I wish we could just get.

Toot Scoot for Jasper, Bodum coffee grinder, paper shredder, iron, Toy Story Triology

I also really need to get our carpets cleaned. I’d like to paint and redecorate our bedroom a bit. Luckily none of the things are emergency have-to-have things.  I don’t know what we’d do right now if our fridge broke or something major.  My amazing parents gave us a loan for the new computer.  We wouldn’t have been able to do that otherwise.

As I watch our checking and savings dwindle down each day, I start to get more nervous.  Something else just has to work out soon.  We’re running out of time so I’m really trying to keep up hope that our luck will soon change. Because gosh darn it, I want a paper shredder!

I’m still in shock. I seriously never imagined that Josh could lose his job. Yes, we have had a lot of issues with his job. And sure, no job is completely secure. But when I say that he kept the entire place running, I’m not exaggerating. He could almost never be without his work phone. I forgot what life was like before that phone. Constantly worrying that he is going to be called in because something major broke. It has been weird the past few days trying to remind myself that he will not be called in. We’re trying to let ourselves enjoy it. We’ve even decided to go on a date tomorrow. Probably not the best financial idea we’ve had but I think it’s necessary. Dinner and a movie to relax…plus no work phone!

It’s hard though because now we have to figure out what we’re going to do. I have really been trying not to let myself think about it. Not to think about the bills, money, or what it will mean for him to have a new job. What if he has to work nights? What will I do when he has to drive our one good vehicle because his new job is out of town? What if the new job doesn’t pay enough to support us? How could I even begin to look for a job and consider leaving Jasper every day?

Honestly, I am really trying to stay positive. For the most part I feel like I’m doing a pretty good job of keeping my you-know-what together. At the end of 2010 I said that things had to start looking up for us. It was such a terrible year and it was over. We’ve hit the bottom now. Time to start going up.

So Josh lost his job yesterday. To say we were shocked is an understatement.

Josh found out on Monday that his boss was out by the end of the week. Josh would be getting demoted from maintenance manager to technician. But they were offering him severance if he left this week. Since we are in absolutely no position to be without income, we didn’t think the severance was an option. We decided that even though they obviously wanted him out, Josh would stick it out and hope for the best.

Yesterday morning Josh talked to his boss and it was made clear to him that if he didn’t take the severance they would be getting rid of him without it quickly. Apparently the new boss didn’t want to work with Josh. So at 2:00 Josh turned in his keys and officially became unemployed.

I have spent the past two days crying, feeling like I’m going to puke, and then laughing out of ridiculousness. I’m so incredibly angry. Josh has worked his butt off for this company for the past four years and for what? He went in on Christmas, worked Sundays, has been on call 24/7 with no time off. He has literally kept the place running. What a giant slap in the face. So much for working for a good Christian company, right? The owner of the company is lucky I never run into him. I have a few choice words I would like to say.

I’m really proud of Josh though. He has always stood up for himself, always did what he thinks is right and worked hard. He is leaving with his morals intact.

So here we are…blindsided, unemployed, and unsure of the future.

I spent last night going over our budget and checking account. Nothing like that to make me feel depressed. January is a rough month. Our life insurance is due among all of our other bills. No matter how I analyzed and refigured we’re coming up short. Josh is working insane hours and even his 45 hours of overtime isn’t going to make due this time around. So there goes what little savings we have… I keep saying that it will get better. Josh keeps saying it. And yet, it’s not. I just want a little break, you know? I want life to seem easy if only for a few days. I’m so glad 2010 is over but I feel like financially it’s going to be reminding us of the ugliness for the rest of this year.

At the same time I can’t help but feel thankful because of all I do still have. Sometimes life is just really hard…

Josh and I were checking out at Best Buy recently when the checkout lady made a comment about all of our reward points and asked if we were saving them up for something special. Turns out we’ve been banking points since we bought our washer and dryer a few years ago. When I looked at the receipt I was surprised to see over 6,000 points. I had no idea but that seemed like a lot.

I looked it up on the website when we got home and found out we can get $125 gift card to Best Buy. At first we were going to use it for a new printer since mine is getting pretty old and temperamental. I decided that instead we should use it for something fun since we don’t have the money these days to just buy something random.  Josh got the new Donkey Kong Country for Wii and I got a hair straightener. Why yes, I do think a hair straightener is fun. I never would have been able to afford a hundred dollar straightener otherwise and it is incredible! Totally worth the money…  I think I’ll have to do a product review of it because I love it so much.

I guess I should keep better track of those things. However, not knowing and the surprise of $125 was awesome.

Wow, the hits just keep on coming. This summer has just been full of suck. I am still recovering from losing Grace. We had to get a new vehicle even though we couldn’t really afford the extra monthly bill. My camera needed to be replaced which caused me to need Photoshop upgraded. The Jeep, camera and new Photoshop all would have been good things if the timing could have been better. We are still trying to figure out how to pay off the medical bills (two of which have been due for a month and they are still sitting on my desk).

On Saturday night my laundry room flooded. We had so much water that it ran out around the room onto the living room carpeting. Josh and my dad (bless their hearts) worked like crazy to try and get rid of the clog but just couldn’t do it. Roto-Rooter came out on Monday to jet the clog. Four hundred dollars later they left thinking the clog was removed. Tuesday they came back out to scope the line just to be sure everything was removed. The camera guy thought there was a very large problem at the main sewer line tap. I held it together (just barely). Today the came out to jet the line again and see the problem better. Luckily our problem isn’t at the tap (which would have been 10 grand of repairs) but instead in the middle of our front yard. Apparently the pipe that was laid there did not get installed correctly.

We are now looking into how we’ll get it repaired as cheap as possible since they quoted us $3,000. My dad and Josh are positive that it can be done for much, much less. It’s so immensely frustrating though. Now we have the hassle of getting someone else out here to check the line for themselves, getting quotes… Eventually we’ll have our lawn torn up, possibly my favorite tree removed and a day when we can’t run water.

I am very thankful that it wasn’t the more major of problems but it’s still a big problem for us. We really don’t need more bills, more stress and more hassles right now. What we really need is a breather. I feel like I can’t handle much more. And I hate even typing that because I feel like the universe is plotting against me. By putting that out there I’m just asking for something else bad to happen.

I feel guilty even complaining about all of this. We could have it so much worse…so many people do. And yet, I can’t help feel sorry for myself right now. I’m just asking for things to go a little smoother around here, that we could catch a break and get some of the good.

Edited to add: If only I was in a better frame of mind today. I missed a great opportunity when Roto-Rooter was here today to replicate a great scene from a great movie. (Sorry Mom, for the cuss words.)

Over the weekend I was in the Target checkout lane with my boys.  Jasper was determined to throw something out of the cart and Josh disappeared for a few minutes.  The man in front of me was buying only a box of donuts and used a gift card.  I glanced up as the checkout girl told him the card was 34 cents short.  Picking up the book Jasper just tossed on the floor, I looked again to see the man apologize and push the donuts back on the counter.  He left without purchasing anything.  I was so confused by what happened so quickly that I didn’t have time to react.  Of course I had 34 cents in my wallet that I could have given that man.  After we checked out I looked around outside for him but he was nowhere to be seen.  Ugh, I kicked myself all day for missing that opportunity.

I’ve been thinking a lot about how I can help other people, especially in my area.  It’s funny because we are so tight on money right now and yet I’m more aware of how much we still have.  That man could not afford to buy donuts for under three dollars.  We still splurge on Starbucks occasionally.  I feel very lucky to live in a nice house and we’re able to get groceries when we need to.  Sure, there have been times lately where we have close to no money in the checking but I know payday will eventually come.  I know that months down the road we’ll somehow be back on our feet again.  How long will it take that man to get on his feet?

If someone had told me a week ago that there would be a 2008 Jeep Liberty sitting in my garage I would have laughed. Josh and I have been talking about getting something a little bigger for awhile. My Grand Am was nice but difficult to fit a kid and even just groceries in. Plus I was having a really hard time getting Jasper in and out because it’s so low. However, we had just decided a week or so ago that we would keep the car for awhile. We could get by with it. Since we would not have a baby in November, we had more time to figure out what to get.

The day we got back from the procedure my dad informed us that my car is shot. We had driven their car since my car had been acting kind of funny. My dad took it in for us to get serviced. Turns out there were quite a few things wrong…to the tune of at least $1200. Surprisingly, I laughed when I heard that. I think I was just all cried out. I told Josh I just couldn’t talk about it yet. Although my parents and Josh were in agreement that it was time for something new.

On Sunday I analyzed our budget and Josh looked up vehicles online. We drove through a few dealerships so he could get a better idea of what I wanted. One vehicle he suggested was too small, another too big… On our way home we happened to think of the Jeep Liberty. We both have always wanted a Jeep so we checked out the reviews. He found a nice one at a good price near us.

Monday we went to test drive it. Tuesday we bought it. I still just cannot believe the timing of this. I’m kind of in a panic figuring out how we’ll afford it. I guess I wouldn’t worry so much except I know we’ll have a lot of bills coming in soon. Like my mom says…everything always works. Plus it’s a pretty sweet ride!

I ran across this article last week about making your own dishwasher detergent. We were almost out of dishwasher tabs so I thought I would give it a try. Not only is it eco-friendly but it’s super cost effective. The article estimates 50 loads cost 50 cents! Considering I pay probably around 8 dollars for 50 loads I was sold.

I found all of the ingredients at my grocery store. The only citric acid I could find at the store was the Fruit Fresh bottle in the canning aisle. That may have raised my cost per load. But I did a little research online and found that you can buy a 5 pound bottle on Amazon for $26.

I mixed up my first batch tonight. My dishes were just as clean as they were with the dishwasher tabs. It is suggested that you add vinegar to your rinse spout for best results. I gave the new detergent a try without the vinegar for the first run. My glasses were a little spotty so I’m guessing the vinegar would take care of that. When I run out of this batch I’m going to buy some citric acid online and continue to make my own. Two thumbs up to my new eco-friendly dishwashing method!