all you need is love

A few weeks ago a realtor came and put a For Sale sign in our yard. We officially listed our house. Let’s back up a little because you might be thinking whoa, where did this come from? When we bought this house just four years ago we thought we’d live here forever. It was a good size for us with room to grow. It’s a nice location in town and we were happy living in this little town. It feels like just yesterday this was us.

The past couple years have been tough for my family. We’ve been through some things that left us feeling like it’s time to move forward. We need a change, a fresh start. For the past year Josh and I have been talking about moving to a nearby town that is much bigger. We’re there so much given that our town of 1,400 has basically only a library and a post office. The more we thought about it, the more a bigger city appealed to us. The grocery store, movie theater, kid activities, church, our friends…all there.

So now we wait and hope that everything lines up. It’s so incredibly scary to make the leap. It’s also a little sad because we have so many incredible memories in this house. For the most part though we’re excited. Excited to start a new adventure and to see where life takes us. Anxious to leave behind the past and rough parts of the last couple years…on to bigger and better things!

I was talking to a friend recently about having more kids. They only have one and are also undecided if they will have another. She said, “I feel like though we are already behind in having a second”. Meaning, most people have started on a second by the age our firsts are at. And most people expect you to have another child by now.

I’ve been thinking about that a lot. Why is it that most people just assume a couple will have more than one child? What’s so bad about just one child? Here are things I hear regularly: “Jasper needs a playmate.” “About time for another!” I find this so presumptuous. I mean, what if we had been trying to get pregnant for the past year and a half and it wasn’t happening.

Honestly, we have no idea if we’re going to have any more children. Most days lately I’m leaning towards no. And you know what, I think that’s okay. I really think having one child isn’t a bad thing. People assume they’ll be spoiled but I know that won’t be the case for us.

There are a lot of benefits to only having one. We’d be able to provide more for Jasper. Let’s say we have a set amount of money for a college fund. If we have two or three kids, it would be split between all of them. If we just have Jasper, he would get all of that. There’s also the ease of one child. Josh and I would never be outnumbered. We’d be able to travel easier (not that you can’t travel with more than one kid, just easier with one).

Of course, I think how great Jasper would be as a big brother. And for me, there’s also the pull for a large family, especially thinking about when I’m older and my kids would be having kids (ala Parenthood).

I think the hardest part about all of this is just not knowing. Not knowing for sure what is the best for our family. Really that’s all we want to do…what’s best for us. So we wait and see knowing that whatever we decide is okay, no matter what anyone else thinks.

Yesterday was a lovely love day. Josh and I made a nice breakfast together. I received the most amazing love letter I’ve ever read. I can’t even believe that the man that wrote it is mine and he wrote it about me. We played, watched a little kid’s tv, mostly just chilled out… I ordered Josh a heart shaped pizza from Lou Malnati’s in Chicago. I was practically giddy waiting for UPS to arrive. I knew he had no idea and wouldn’t ever guess. Lou Malnati’s is his favorite pizza so it was a fun Valentine’s Day gift. Even though Josh had to work and I spent my evening watching TV alone, it was still a darn good day.

In honor of Josh’s birthday today, I thought I’d use one of his favorite quotes. I’m glad I’m married to an “unreasonable” person. Happy Birthday, Josh!

“Reasonable people adapt themselves to the world. Unreasonable people attempt to adapt the world to themselves. All progress, therefore, depends on unreasonable people.” -George Bernard Shaw

Maybe it’s not our day; but it’s going to be our year.

*This was written Tuesday evening but I held off posting it until this morning so I could blackout my site in protest of SOPA/PIPA. If you haven’t already, please consider taking action against this censorship.

As I type this my house is quiet. It’s 11pm. Jasper is asleep and Josh is at work. I just finished watching tonight’s episode of Parenthood. It’s one of those evenings that I feel reflective and just a tad bit sad for no reason.

I hate that as an adult I still have that “left out” feeling. I seriously never dreamt that it would still continue into adulthood. People that technically are “supposed” to include me don’t. It’s not really a big deal except for when I’m reminded continually on Facebook. I’m sure they don’t think that my feelings would be hurt when I’m not tagged in a status even though I should be. Or how there are always pictures of their kids together and mine isn’t there… It’s just hard.

I get sad when bloggers get divorced or split with their significant other. It’s usually one of those “I didn’t see that one coming” thing because obviously I don’t see their entire life. Even though I don’t know them in real life I’m always really sad about it.

Making friends as an adult is not an easy thing. Have you noticed that? I’ve been a little skittish because of a recent bad experience. Suddenly a friend decided not to like me anymore which is weird because we’re not eight. Mostly I beat myself up about it because I feel like I should have seen it coming. I overlooked red flags that I shouldn’t have. So now I’m scared to make friends but thankfully my husband isn’t. We’ve hung out a few times with a new couple recently. Clients turned friends seems to be the trend for me. After doing some pictures for them a couple months ago Josh asked if they liked a specific restaurant. They did and thought going out to eat would be fun. (Yay!) After we set up a time I joked with Josh that he asked them out. I’m so glad he did because it turns out we get along really well and we’re excited to have new friends. I just decided that I can’t let a bad experience ruin future amazing experiences. That’s how life goes.

Though sometimes I feel like I just don’t understand life I do know this… I am lucky to have this boy and this man. They make me smile and love me in a way I didn’t know possible.

I’m a homebody by nature, always have been. However I do like to see new places and travel. (I just couldn’t go on a two-three week vacation.) Lately I’ve had this insanely strong urge to go somewhere. My travel Pinterest board just keeps growing. The last vacation Josh and I took was to Maine for our honeymoon (six years ago).

Josh and I are laid-back vacationers. We don’t want to take a bunch of tours or have lots planned out. We want to just wing it. We love the exploring and figuring out as we go. We are also totally not lay on the beach type of people. Sure it sounds relaxing but I think I’d get bored too quickly. Shoot, I can barely sit on the couch without doing something.

So we’ve been talking about where we’d like to go. Right now the plan is to go to Seattle. You know, someday when we have money. Also on the list: San Francisco, New York, Italy, Greece, Ireland, Australia… Ha. Yeah, someday we’ll go to all of those places. Josh and I have always talked about going back to Maine for an anniversary sometime. Part of me really wants to go back because it was so amazing. Another part of me doesn’t want to go back (at least not for a long time). There are SO many places I want to go. I can’t imagine using my rare vacation to go to the same place I’ve already been. Plus I really want to keep Bar Harbor special and I’m afraid going back might change that. I think of Bar Harbor and I instantly feel newly married and how amazing that vacation was. I kind of want to leave that feeling alone.

We are really hoping to be able to plan a vacation to Seattle in the next year or two. Financially I don’t know how we could ever swing it but you never know what will change in a year. I have high hopes that someday we’ll see all of the amazing things we want to see. We’ll spend the rest of our lives trying to figure out how to do it all. Because why not?

So yeah, yesterday it got up to 54 degrees. In January. In Illinois. My boys and I went on a little adventure to a park with a swinging bridge. It was a perfect opportunity for me to find my picture of the day and for all of us to get outside. It was a good day.

After having a few breakdowns the past couple days, I’m doing a little better today. Add together: After-Christmas letdown, Josh going back to work, just barely paying our bills this month, migraine from hell. That equals one very emotional girl. During one of those breakdowns, Josh held me and said, “Kimberly, 2012 is our year. We’ve fought hard. We’re not giving in.”.

So I’m headed into the new year with that in mind. I’m leaving behind the things and people that have pulled me down this year. I’m remaining positive that things are going to turn around for us.

2012 is our year.