insomnia

100:366 night light

I’m laying in bed. It’s sometime between 12:30am and 1:00am. I’m trying not to look at my phone anymore since I’ve already spent an hour playing Sudoku and Draw Something and scrolling through Instagram. Josh is loudly breathing next to me. I begrudgingly push his elbow out of my back. I turn to my side…then my back. I lay there with my eyes wide open wondering how I can feel so completely not tired. I listen to the ceiling fan. It’s gotten louder lately and much more annoying. Clink, clink, clink, clink… It distracts me from what I’m supposed to be doing, sleeping. Okay, focus. I tell myself to focus on deep breaths. I hear Jasper stirring. I anticipate him at my door telling me he needs to go potty. I wait. Nothing. I decide it’s safe to fall asleep since it doesn’t look like he’s getting up. Back to the breathing thing. In…out…in…out… I realize I’m just not comfortable so I figure that’s my problem. I resituate my pillows. I move my legs at an angle only after forgetting for a second my husband is not working tonight and I have to share the bed.

I begin mentally listing everything I could have gotten done around the house rather than laying in bed not sleeping. Laundry folded, downstairs could be dusted, a bathroom clean, a session could have been edited… I feel angry that I didn’t get those done because I was so exhausted and felt like I should go to bed.

The dog starts snoring. I have no patience for this so I loudly say his name. “Bebo!” Snore. “Bebo!”, I say much more loudly. Josh stirs a little and for a second I feel bad. He turns over and immediately is back to his deep smooth breathing. Darn him. I used to be able to fall asleep at anytime.

Temptation gets the best of me and I check my phone for the time. It’s 1:23am. How is that even possible? Jasper will be up in like five frickin’ hours. It’s serious now, I have to fall asleep. Clink, clink, clink… That damn ceiling fan. I’m going to throw something at it. Suddenly, I feel something. Is that sleepiness? Where did that come from? I yawn and turn to my side. I can’t help but wonder why I suffer from insomnia so many nights. I think maybe… And there it is, finally…sleep.

Author: kimberly on Wednesday, May 2, 2012 12:18 am

Leave a Reply