This weekend was kind of a rough one for me. I felt very lonely and sad. Since this was Josh’s weekend to work I spent the evenings alone which of course, didn’t help matters. We’ve been really worn down with his work schedule. Add to it that I’m trying to squeeze in as many fall photo sessions as I can. It’s hard to leave when it means I don’t really get to see my husband that day.
Josh and I have been doing a lot of life planning lately. Trying to figure out where we should be, what we should be doing… It’s tough in a way because everything seems so unknown. I keep thinking that someone is finally going to hire Josh and our lives will begin moving again. For now we’re in this weird holding pattern where we try to make the most of everyday but feel like it’s all just temporary. I guess life is temporary anyway.
I’m having a hard time letting go of some hurt feelings. Someone that I thought was a friend turned out not to really care about me. I honestly don’t understand and have gone over it in my head a billion times just bewildered. I guess it has made me that much more aware of the people that want to be there for me. I need to let it go but it’s hard for me when I’m hurt.
The past week or two has also been difficult because I’ve been thinking a lot about Grace. We would be approaching her first birthday. I cannot even imagine having Jasper and also a one-year-old. Sometimes I still get so angry about losing her. Why did that have to happen? Why isn’t she with us now? I don’t understand. As I type this the tears just pour down my face. How can the pain still be so raw?
That’s where I’m at today. I’m thankful that it’s Monday and this weekend is over. I’m looking forward to an evening with my husband. I’m snuggling my funny little Jasper a little tighter and feeling so glad he’s in my life. Sometimes life can feel sad in spite of all the happy things around me.
((HUGS))
Sending love and hugs to you.
Sending hugs your way! I’ve been dealing with similar feelings with losing someone I thought was a really good friend of mine. Those feelings have been brought back to the surface when we very recently bumped into each other after nearly a year of no contact. Sometimes you just can’t understand why people do the things they do… Hang in there!