It’s hard to believe that this day is finally here. Today is my due date with Grace. Chances are though I would have already had her by now. I wasn’t really sure how I’d feel on this day. I definitely am experiencing some of the sadness again but I’m feeling surprisingly stable. Last night I felt pretty down and cried a bit when it all kind of hit me. I just decided this morning that I was going to have a good day with Jasper.
A couple of weeks ago I started having trouble falling asleep at night. I assumed it was the coffee I was drinking in the evening as I NEVER have problems sleeping. But then it happened again and again, including nights that I didn’t drink any coffee. I lay in bed and feel like I can’t turn my mind off. I don’t always think about Grace but I have a feeling that’s the cause of my recent insomnia. I know my mind is still working through all of this even if daily it doesn’t hit me. I do feel that each day is a little easier.
Tomorrow Josh and I are headed up to Chicago for the night. My cousin is getting married. My parents offered to stay home from the wedding so they could watch Jasper. My mom just thought it would be perfect timing for a night away. I’m so looking forward to the wedding, a night with Josh, really cute shoes… I think it’ll be good for us to get away.
I thought today would be a good day to share Grace’s hand prints. The doctor who performed my D&E was able to get a print of each of Grace’s hands for us. I took pictures the other day and had intended to post one here. But when I opened the pictures…seeing the tiny hand print that was smaller than my thumb… Well, I guess I’m not ready to look at that very often. Some day maybe I’ll be able to share it. For now the paper goes back in the envelope and gets tucked away back in my closet.
Today I struggle with thinking about it too much or not enough. Slowly I’m finding the healthy balance and continuing to work through this.
Oh Kimberly, I too had been wondering when the day was to be? Thanks for sharing and being so open to the difficult parts of life. Will be thinking of you today and will say a prayer for you. I look forward to the day you are ready to show your “blog world” your little girls’ prints. Enjoy your time away with that hubby of yours. The two of you could find fun in a paper sack! :)
Hugs and prayers to you and Josh today. Have a wonderful night in Chicago.