You know when something traumatic happens in life and you deal with it and move on. I feel that I have done that. However, I wasn’t expecting the lasting effects on other aspects of my life. Dealing with the loss of our unborn child was extremely difficult but I felt like I handled it emotionally. In turn though, my creativity and motivation have gone down the drain. I pretty much took the month of May off from Knight Light. It was the right decision since we had a lot going on. In June I did a couple of sessions and shot a wedding. However, I haven’t felt the fire I usually feel when shooting. I’ve barely taken any photos of my kid which is crazy. I just have not wanted to get my camera out.
I can feel a twinge of that old creativity though. I’ve had a few ideas for sessions lately that got a spark. I’m just anxious for the fire to be back. I’m tired of feeling guilty for not taking pictures, for not scheduling sessions, for not wanting to work… I know in time I will be back to “normal” but dealing with this has been especially frustrating. I try not to be hard on myself but it’s just how I am. I don’t know how to fix it. I mean, how do you get your creativity back???
I go through that even when I haven’t just been through a traumatic experience in my life. I would have to say that the first two months of this year were exactly that for me. I’d look at my camera, sitting in its bag for days, weeks…and realize that maybe I just need to take a few photos. But I never quite get there.
Yet, something that seems to motivate me is to see what my mentors (and by mentors, I mean those I look up to or aspire to be like) are up to. I read their blogs, celebrate their awards, and find the good stuff that’s happening.
And then I give myself an assignment and I go from there. Sometimes, the camera will go back in the bag, photos unprocessed, for another week or two, but I don’t punish myself for it. When your desire to create is there, you will do just that. In the mean time, just keep playing around with your new camera!
so you have been on mind and heart and lately and I thought “gosh she hasn’t blogged in forever, i think i’ll go leave a comment and just say ‘hey’” and lo, and behold i come over here and you’ve been blogging just my dumb feeder hasn’t been adding them… this must be remedied. i look forward to your creative spark working its way back, in time. <3