good byes suck

As some of you may know, my good friend Sondra (who I met through this very blog) moved in with us at the beginning of this year. She needed a place to stay and we offered. Nothing much to think about there. She fit in easily with my goofy family and it really was effortless having her around. Today she moved out to start a new adventure in Nashville. I’m excited for her but so sad for us, specifically me. I will miss having my friend around.

We’ve been talking about having her guest post on my blog since she moved in. Before she left she emailed me her guest entry with a note that said I shouldn’t read it until she left. (She was right; I sobbed like a baby). Here is her beautifully written entry:

I’ve been telling Kimberly for months now that I would write a guest post for her blog, and it hasn’t happened until now: hours before my departure. I’ve spent the last hour reading through Kimberly’s old blog posts, smiling and laughing… and yes, crying. I started out by reading the first post I ever commented on, which was in May 2005. Yep, this month is our five-year friendiversary. Five years!! The crazy thing is, I didn’t come out here and meet her in person until August 2008, but I honestly feel like I have known her (and Josh) (and her parents) for my whole life. I remember how nervous I was to meet her, and how excited I was to turn on to her street and see their cute house, recognizing it from the photos she had posted and feeling a strange sense of déjà vu. She came outside when I pulled into the driveway and we hugged and what has evolved from that has been one of the most rewarding and effortless relationships of my life. There has never been a bit of awkwardness or weirdness or drama.

Kimberly and Josh both told me several times that I was welcome to come stay with them if I ever needed a place, and at first I didn’t really even consider it. After they insisted a few more times that they were serious, I began to think seriously about it as well, and it just seemed… right. I worried a bit about how exactly that would be, with me all invading their space and their day-to-day life and family business and such, but again, from day one, I have truly felt at home here. There was never weirdness (well, never any BAD weirdness) and I never felt uncomfortable or like an intruder. I have felt more at peace and at home here than I have perhaps anywhere else in my life, ever.

So why in the heck am I leaving?! Well, that’s a valid question, and one I intend to answer on my own blog (yes, I will be returning) shortly. I have thought and prayed about my next steps very carefully and I believe this is the right move for me at this time. But it doesn’t mean that it is necessarily easy. It’s not. It would definitely be easiest for me to get a place here right now. And I don’t think there is any worse feeling in the world than making a pregnant woman cry. I keep telling everyone that this isn’t GOODBYE, because it’s not. But it is the end of me hanging around the house all the time and monopolizing all the “That’s what she said” opportunities.

I will definitely miss the day-to-day happenings here at the Knight house: all of Jasper’s dancing and talking, (“Happy, happy, happy”), the cute banter that Josh and Kimberly have with each other, putting puzzles together, trips into town, Tuesday night TV, and just sitting in silence as the three of us randomly geek out on our respective computers. I know for a fact I am going to feel pretty lost for a while at 5:00 p.m. on Monday nights during family dinner. (Shout out to S&K, Kimberly has been blessed with seriously the best parents in the history of parents.)

It has been invaluable for me to be a witness to these functioning relationships the past four months. Aside from my grandparents, I really haven’t had a lot of good examples like that in my life. It doesn’t mean there aren’t little issues from time to time (if Kimberly orders mashed potatoes with her hot beef, she definitely does not want French fries!!), but the issues are always resolved in an appropriate manner, and sometimes all it takes is “hugging it out”… I think I might have to steal that approach.

I have joked a few times over the past few months that I was here to write a tell-all expose on what goes on behind-the-scenes at Easily Distracted. But here’s the truth: there’s no dirt to reveal. Kimberly’s been criticized here on her blog for being “too happy” or having too perfect of a life, but the thing is… the things she shares here are true. No, they are not perfect here, but they are a family who does their best to do right by each other, put each other first and laugh and enjoy life together. I don’t know that I have ever laughed so much as I have during my time here.

One of the old blog posts I read earlier tonight was one where “engaged-Kimberly” was imagining what her life would be like at 60, and I had to smile and tear up a little bit at the description, because I could TOTALLY picture it.

Kimberly and Josh: If you ever do get your lake house, I would like to come visit you sometime. I’ll bring my wrinkly 60-year-old self and, God-willing, my grandkids, and we’ll put puzzles together by the fire and eat ice cream with hot chocolate mix sprinkled on top. Josh can mix his specialty drinks (I propose a “Grandpapants”) and I know I will sleep as peacefully there as I have here the past four months, because I know, in some way, wherever you guys are will always be home, and you will always be my family.

Thank you for that. I will never be able to express in words how much your kindness and love have meant to me during this particularly rocky season of my life. It is in part because of you that I am even able to have the courage and the strength to leave right now, and it is because of you that Sondra 2.0 has emerged. (And with INK!!!)

So with that, I must go… new adventures await. I am excited and sad, and a little scared, but most of all hopeful. I know if I need a place to come home to in the future, Central Illinois would be a great place to put my roots down. Only God knows what the future will bring, but I do know this: I am so very blessed to have these friends.

Sondra, we for sure have been blessed with your friendship. And you always have a place to call home here with us!