the story of captain jasper and his dramatic voyage

I’m sitting in my front room on Sunday night drinking a small glass of sparkling wine. Sparkling wine that Josh and I bought about nine months ago in anticipation for this weekend. We knew we would want to celebrate when our little one arrived…little did we know how difficult the arrival would be. Let’s back up to early Thursday morning.

Around 1am Thursday morning I laid in bed crying. The baby in my belly had just been moving for three hours ending the romp with the hiccups. I couldn’t sleep, I was exhausted and so tired of being overdue. Thursday marked eight days over my due date. Although physically I was still feeling okay, emotionally I was feeling rundown and frustrated. What was wrong with me that this baby wasn’t coming?

Thursday, 8:30 am – Josh and I show up at my doctor’s office for our scheduled visit. I asked my OB to strip the membranes again and “not go easy on me”. She was nervous that I was past 41 weeks and didn’t want me to get to 42 weeks. She would schedule an induction for me for Sunday night. I also was hooked up to the fetal monitor to get checked and then for a sonogram. By the time we were done at the doctor’s office almost two hours had passed. I was even more emotional and cried when I thought about being induced. Not many women can be induced with Pitocin and do a natural birth. So I started praying then that the baby would come before Saturday so I wouldn’t need to go to the non-stress test they had scheduled for me.

Thursday, 1:00pm – I had been having contractions since the morning but I kept thinking maybe they weren’t contractions. I was also cramping from the membrane stripping. We started keeping track of the pains and they were actually coming at regular intervals. Josh got out his moleskine and fountain pen and began jotting down the times.

Thursday, 3:00pm – The contractions were close enough that I needed to switch to the website, Contraction Master. I kept wondering if maybe I was imagining all of it.

Thursday, 5:00pm – “Josh, I think we should go to the hospital.” I was in moderate pain with every contraction, but I was still in a pretty cheerful disposition and rather excited that this was going to happen naturally after all. Josh loaded up the car with the hospital bag, camera bag, laptop, and my purse. I loaded up myself and I called my parents to let them know that we were headed in and would call them after we were checked.

Thursday, 6:00pm – We parked at the hospital ER and headed inside. I walked to the front desk and when I was asked “How can I help you?” I said, “I think I’m in labor”. I had to sign a few documents and then I got to sit down. We chatted a bit with the nurse at the desk about whether or not we knew the sex of the baby, if it was our first, and when we were due. She seemed quite surprised that I was nearly 9 days overdue. I had several contractions while we waited for a nurse from Labor & Delivery to come down with a wheelchair and take us up through a labyrinth of hallways up to OB.

Once at OB, I got into the lovely hospital gown feeling complete disbelief that we were there. I was checked by a nurse and still at 2 centimeters dilated. My parents showed up in what seemed like mere minutes after us, pretending that they were in town for a Starbucks. My contractions were getting stronger at this point coming about 2 minutes or so apart. They hooked me up to the fetal monitor, we would be monitored and then walk the hallway. Josh’s folks showed up shortly after mine, and headed to the waiting room with my folks. We walked some more stopping at our room for me to rest every so often.

Thursday, 9:17pm – We were admitted to the hospital, so at this point we knew it was go time. This baby was coming one way or another.

Thursday, 9:45pm – The nurse checked me again and I was still only at a 2. I was 100% thinned out, but no dilation progress. She suggested I get in the labor tub and I agreed. I needed some pain relief and I was up for trying something.

Thursday, 10:10pm – Josh and I head into the room with the labor tub. My new nurse came in, and she happened to be a girl from my hometown. I was nervous about having someone I knew as my nurse but the pain that was growing with each contraction was enough to soon make me forget this anxiety. I spent about an hour in the tub, trying to relax and focus. Josh leaned against, and at some times into the tub and would hold my hand during a contraction. During a contraction I would lean over the side of tub, contorting all the while squeezing his hand.

Thursday, 10:30pm – My new nurse checked me in the tub and I was dilated to 6. I was really quite amazed at how much something so simple as a glorified bathtub could help my progress so rapidly. The nurse started to drain the tub because the water level was quite high and it would take a while to get down to a level at which I could get out.

Thursday, 11:00pm – At this point, the contractions were coming hard and fast and it was all I could do to keep breathing through them. Josh and my nurse kept me focused, but I was getting to a point where I wanted to push through the contractions. I was checked again and I was at eight centimeters. My nurse told us that she was going to call the doctor because we were nearing the point where I could start pushing.

My contractions were getting pretty strong and I started feeling some serious pressure to push. My folks and Josh’s stuck their heads in and gave me the thumbs up. I remember thinking that I hoped none of my lady bits were showing. Josh tells me that he ensured I was covered. During the contractions I would squeeze Josh’s hand and lean against the railing of my bed. I mostly concentrated on breathing through them and felt like it was manageable. I had to fight the urge to push with all I had.

Sometime before I started pushing I thought about how much easier it would be to get an epidural. I didn’t really want one but I couldn’t help but wonder what it would be like to have one.

Nurses were coming in and out with carts and the baby warmer. It was surreal to see all of that equipment come in and I couldn’t help but feel excited that the baby was going to be there soon.

Friday, 12:00am – My doctor showed up and checked me. I was given the okay to start pushing. They explained how I should push and I completely blanked out. It sounded like the most confusing thing in the world.

At the next contraction they put my hands under my knees and I was told to pull them back to begin pushing. I was also told to hold my breath during the pushing. I could not wrap my mind around that since up until this point I needed to breathe deep and even through everything.

I pushed at the next contraction. For the first 45 minutes or so of pushing, I felt like I was doing something. I would grab my legs, bear down and push so hard. Soon after that though, things started to get a lot more difficult. The contractions were becoming so painful that breathing through them was almost impossible. Josh would tell me to breathe even and focus when I wasn’t pushing. I kept pushing with every contraction, even though at every break I thought about how much I wanted to be done.

Another half hour passed and I was beginning to get exhausted. The baby wasn’t moving from its current position, so every contraction brought more pain and no relief. My doctor suggested I take a break from pushing and just breathe through the contractions. I would lean against the railing and grip it with my left hand. Josh was squatted down next to the bed reminding me to breathe.

Let me stop there to talk about how amazing Josh was. He was constantly encouraging me. While I was pushing he was there holding my leg telling me how great I was doing. He would help me remember to breath or hold my breath depending on what was going on. I kept telling him that I was sorry because I felt like I wasn’t doing very well. He would always have encouraging word for me and tell me how much he loved me.

Back to the contractions… When I was resting I would lay on my side and halfway push through them. Every 10 minutes of resting would be followed by more pushing. I kept asking my nurse if we were getting anywhere. I remember now that she never said things were really progressing (because now I know that they actually weren’t) but she would always say how great I was doing.

The baby’s head was down far enough that they could see it so they brought a mirror in for me. All that dark hair was hard to miss. So why wasn’t this baby out?

Friday, 2:00am – I first told Josh that I was ready to quit. I didn’t think I could go any further. The pain was too much; I didn’t feel like I was getting anywhere… Josh gave me a pep talk and I felt like I could go on.

The next hour things get a little blurry for me. I have never been in so much pain in my life. I never could even fathom pain like I was having. I was so exhausted and couldn’t understand why the baby wasn’t in my arms. At one point I was practically crying.

Also during this hour was the one time I got a little mad at Josh. He was reminding me to breath through my contraction. I had been gripping the handrail and kept trying to catch my breath. I was ticked that he kept telling me to breathe when I felt like I clearly was. I said in a voice reminiscent of Regan from The Exorcist, “I am breathing”.

I spent a lot of this hour breathing through the contractions. Every so often I would push again.

Friday, 2:40am – My nurse, Melissa said “I know you didn’t want to do this but we could do an epidural. It might help you relax enough to get the baby moving again”. No epidural. That was my response.

Friday, 2:45am – Josh asked to have my doctor come in. She checked my progress and had me push some more.

Friday, 3:00am – I realized at this point I knew I couldn’t do anything more. I basically cried, “I can’t push anymore”. My doctor could tell that I meant it so she started talking about our options. 1. I could have an epidural and try to keep pushing or 2. We could do a c-section. My doctor was very concerned though that the epidural wasn’t actually going to help enough and we’d still need to do the c-section. The lack of progress and where the baby was at in the birth canal, she wasn’t sure I was going to get the baby pushed out.

I asked Josh what he thought we should do. As I practically cried through the next contraction, Josh talked to my doctor. He asked her what she recommended we do to get the baby out the quickest and safest. She recommended a c-section. Josh leaned down to me and said, “We’re going to have a c-section”. I said that I was so tired and just wanted to be done. I trusted Josh to make the final decision.

Josh told our doctor we were going to have the c-section. She walked out the door and I heard her come back in to say that my dad was coming down the hall to check on us. Josh asked her to let them know. I almost lost it that point. I didn’t want my parents to be disappointed in me. I didn’t want Josh to be disappointed in me. I remember thinking that maybe the nurses even didn’t think I had done enough. The pain though took me back to the moment and I asked my nurse how soon it would go away.

Friday, 3:30am – The anesthesiologist came and in and talked through everything. The next steps were all a blur. Josh getting his scrubs on, contractions, drinking something before surgery, getting prepared… I had a terribly painful contraction right as they were going to wheel me out of the room. I told Melissa that she couldn’t take me out in the hallway if I was yelling in pain. She told me that the second it was over we were moving. The urgency radiated through the room.

We got back into the operating room with Josh waiting outside as I was prepped. I was given the spinal during a contraction so I can’t tell you what it felt like. I had my head pressed against my nurse and was busy squeezing her hands. The anesthesiologist said, “That should be the last one of those you’ll feel”. I could have cried I was so relieved. Josh told me later that the worst part for him was when they wheeled me back in the room and he had to wait at the desk. He could hear me having a contraction and it made him crazy not to be in there with me. When they finally told him he could come in he couldn’t believe the change in me. I was smiling and I said, “It doesn’t hurt anymore”.

Friday, 3:50am – They opened me up and started the c-section. I told Josh not to look if he didn’t want to but I could see him peeking over the drape.

Friday, 4:01am – My doctor pulled the baby out of my belly. Turns out the baby was face up explaining the whole three hours before. My doctor said, “Were you expecting . . . a boy??” She laughed. I glanced up to see them hold him above the drape for me to see. He was quickly passed off to the nurse and Josh followed them to the warmer. Suddenly there was a cry and I looked back to see my son’s foot in the air. Josh and I locked eyes and I said, “We have a son”. We looked at each other in disbelief that suddenly he was here.

Friday, 4:10am – The nurse handed Jasper to Josh and I couldn’t help the tears from forming. Josh said hello to him and wide-eyed Jasper looked up at his daddy for the first time. Josh brought him over to me and well…the words just aren’t there to describe what I felt. The whole night just fell away. All of the pain and worry of the night were gone. All I could see was my son and how gorgeous he was. The nurse took a couple pictures for us and soon Jasper was being taken into the nursery.

The next few minutes were spent getting stitched up and stapled. I told the anesthesiologist he was my new best friend. My arms and hands were shaking so badly. All of the nurses were coming in to say congratulations and how cute he was.

Friday, 4:45am – I was wheeled into the recovery room and my parent’s and Josh’s were allowed to come in. When I saw my parents I think I said something like, “I had to have a c-section” and started crying. I was so worried that they would be disappointed. My mom told me they were so proud of me and that I did really great.

The nurse wheeled Jasper in and Josh took him out of the bassinet. He handed our son to me. My arms were finally holding him instead of my belly. Josh and I stared at our son and then each other. The magnitude of the moment was overwhelming. Holding Jasper’s little hand with mine for the first time, I knew my life had completely changed. I couldn’t imagine me without him now. I knew at that moment that I also loved my husband even more which I didn’t think was possible.

As I finally finish typing this out it is Wednesday morning. Jasper is laying next to me on my bed. His little legs are kicking in the air and he’s making cute baby noises. My heart is so full right now that I feel like it could explode. Being a mom has always been such a strong desire for me. Now suddenly I am a mom…and I really couldn’t be happier.